
T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free. 
Price ISc each. Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given 



DRAMAS, COMEDIES, 
ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc. 

M. F. 

Aaron Boggs, Freshman, 3 

acts, ZYi hrs (2Sc) 8 8 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1 % 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 4 4 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 2 "/a 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 4 5 
As a Woman Thinketh, 3 acts, 

2Vi hrs (25c) 9 7 

At the End of the Rainbow, 3 

acts, 2i4 hrs (25c) 6 14 

Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 

(2Sc) 8 4 

Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 9 3 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2^4 

hrs (25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Burns Rebellion, 1 hr (25c) 8 5 

Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs. 

(2Sc) 7 4 

College Town, 3 acts, 2!4 

hrs (25c) 9 8 

Corner Drug' Store, 1 hr. 

(25c) ; 17 14 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs. . 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert, 4 

acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2 "4 

hrs (2Sc) 8 4 

Dream That Came True, 3 

acts, 2Va hrs (2Sc) 6 13 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr (25c) 10 

Enchanted Wood, l.)4 h.(35c).Optnl. 
Everyvouth, 3 acts, XVz hrs. 

(25c) 7 6 

Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4 4 

Fascinators, 40 min (25c) 13 

Fun on the Fodunk Limited, 

11/2 hrs. ....J (25c) 9 14 

Heiress of H»?t?o\\ai, 3 acts, 2 

hrs • : (25c) 8 4 

I High School Fftsnman, 3 acts, 

i 2 hrs (25c) 12 

Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 2*/^ 

hrs (25c) 13 4 

Indian Days, 1 hr (50c) 5 2 

In Plum Valley, 4 acts, 2'/i 

hrs (2Sc) 6 4 

Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs. . (25c) 5 4 
Tayville Junction, 1% hrs. (25c) 14 17 
Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 214 hrs •...(25c) 6 12 

Lexington, 4 acts, 254 h. .(2Sc) 9 4 



M. F. 

Light Brigade, 40 min (25c) 10 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2>4 hrs. 

. (25c) 7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr. (25c)13 
Lonelyville Social (Jlub, 3 acts, 

154 hrs (2Sc) 10 

Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (2Sc) 5 2 

Man from Nevada, 4 acts, 2^/^ 

hrs (25c) 9 5 

Mirandy's Minstrels. ... (25c) Optnl. 
New Woman, 3 acts 1 hr.... 3 6 
Old Maid's Club, 1 j4 hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old Oaken Bucket, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 6 

Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

154 hrs ..(25c) 12 9 

On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

21/2 hrs (25c) 10 4 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 
Prairie Rose, 4 acts, 2^4 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Rustic Romeo, 2 acts, 2154 

hrs (25c) 10 12 

School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1J4 hrs. 6 5 
Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.. 6 6 
Soldier of Fortune, S ax;ts, Zy^, h. 8 3 
Southern Cinderella, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 

Third Degree, 40 min (25c) 12 

Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Tony, The Convict, 5 acts, 2^2 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Topp's Twins, 4 acts, 2 h.(2Sc) 6 4 
Town Marshal, 4 acts, 2^4 

hrs (25c) 6 3 

Trip to Storyland, 154 hrs.(2Sc) 17 23 
Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2% hrs.(2Sc) 8 3 
Under Blue Skies, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 10 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
When the Circus Came to 

Town. 3 acts, 2^4 hrs. (25c) 5 3 
Women Who Did, 1 hr...(25c) 17 
Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES. COMEDIETAS, Etc. 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Bad Job, 30 min 3 2 

Betsv Baker, 45 min 2 2 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min 2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min.... 3 5 

Box and Cox, 35 min 2 1 

Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 

Convention of Papas, 25 min.. 7 

Country Justice. IS min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 



T.S.DENISON&COMPANY,Publishers.154 W.Randolph St., Chicago 



THE RUMMAGE SALE 

AN ENTERTAINMENT 

FOR FOUR MEN AND TEX WOMEN 



BY 

JESSIE A. KELLEY 

AUTHOR OF 

'The Peddler's Parade," "Village Postoffice," "Scenes in a Restau- 
rant," "Miss Prim's Kindergarten," "Taking the Census in 
BingiiUe," "Reminiscences of the Donation Party," 
"Mrs. Jenkins' Brilliant Idea," etc. 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 






THE RUMMAGE SALE 



CHARACTERS. 

(Named in order of their appearance.) 
Mrs. Sharp. 
Mrs. Easy.. 



,^ . Saleswomen 

Mrs. Alden. 

Mrs. Rusacow jy,^^ -, j,.,.^^^^^ 

Mrs. Hennesy ^K/zo Keeps Her Eyes Open 

Mr. Moriarity j^yj,^ Q^f^ ^ ^,.^^^ ^^^.^ 

Mrs. Badger jy^o is only Buying for Charity 

Mrs. RiNALDi jyj,^ jy^^^^^ ^ j^^.^^^ 

La''rry°'^°''^'' ^^^" ^^'""^' ^' ^' ^ ^''^' 

^ * The Policeman 

Susie Smith -A Girl Who Hasn't any Money 

Mrs. Shiftless lyj,^ fjates to Sezv 

Mrs. Lightfinger Wko Spirits Azvay Coats 

Mr. Morrison wj^^ l^^^^ ^ ^^.^^^ ^^^ -^ 

It wonld he effective to have more people rush in when 
the door IS opened, handle over goods, buy, then go out one 
or tzvo at a time. 

Scenery not necessary. Can be played on any platform. 
-'% : Flace— -Any Small City. 

^ Time of Playing— .-/^o/// fifty Minutes.. 

^ ' ,\ 

/^^ COPYRIGHT, 191G, BY EBEN fj. NORRIS. 

CN^ TMP96-00646^ -' 

J)G1.0 4i5 8tJ<> 

MAY 13 1916 



THE RUMMAGE SALE. 



COSTUMES. 



'I'he saleswomen should be in ordinary dress, the others 
as grotesque as possible. Mrs. Rinaldi should have a scarf 
over her head, Mrs. Kusacow wears a long, full cape. Susie, 
an adult, is dressed like a girl of twelve. 



STAGE ARRANGEMENT. 

The entertainment can be given on any platform, with 
or without a curtain. Entrances to suit convenience. The 
only accessories needed are a few tables, a supply of old 
clothing, dishes, etc., and a dress suit. 



SUGGESTIONS. 

An unlimited opportunity is afforded in the piece for 
local hits, which always take well with the audience. The 
blank spaces in the text should all be filled in with local 
names and many more can readily be added. Musical se- 
lections could also be introduced, simply having a conver- 
sation with some of the buyers, leading up to a song, or a 
street musician with violin or cornet could wander in and 
in exchange for some article of clothing give some selections. 



THE RUMMAGE SALE 



Scene: Any room or platform on icliich arc a fezu tables. 
Characters may cuter and exit to suit convenience. 

Mrs. Alden (handling over goods). We must hurry up 
and get these things marked ; it's half-past nine already and 
we are to open the doors at ten. How the time does fly ! 

Mrs. Sharp. Yes, they are collecting outside already. I 
saw some of the familiar faces that are on hand at every 
runrmage sale as I came in. Our rummage sales are getting 
to be quite a reunion of old friends. 

Mrs. Easy. It doesn't look as if we had as much stuff 
as usual. I hope we'll make some money out of the old 
thing. 

Mrs. Alden. I'm going to hang my coat up here and put 
my bag under it. Guess it will be safe there. 

Mrs. Sharp. I'll put mine over here. Hope no one will 
get it. It's a new one I just bought last week. 

Mrs. Easy. I'll put mine here and I don't want to lose 
it if it isn't so new. It's got to last me all winter. 

Mrs. Alden. Let's get to work now. (Holds up very 
ragged zvaist.) What do you think this old waist is worth ? 

Mrs. Easy (looking it oz'er). I don't believe it's worth 
more than ten cents. 

Mrs. Sharp (taking waist). Ten cents, indeed! That's 
a pretty good waist. A few patches here and there and it 
would last a long time. Mark it fifty cents. (Mrs. Easy 
and Mrs. Alden exchange glances.) 

Mrs. Easy (aside to Mrs. Alden). It isn't worth five 
cents. Did you ever see such a Jew as she is? 

Mrs. Alden. We'll make it fifty to please her, but let's 
sell it for anything we can get. My conscience would keep 
me awake all night if T let anybody pay fifty cents for that 
old rag. 

Mrs. Sharp (holding up a -very old-fashioned skirt). 

4 



THE RUMMAGE SALE. 5 

Now there's a perfectly good skirt— not a hole in it any- 
where. I'm going to mark it two dollars. 
Mrs. Easy and Mrs. Alden. Two dollars! 
Mrs. Sharp. Yes ; it's all whole and good. 
Mrs. Easy. Yes, but it's ten years out of style. 
Mrs. Alden. Why, Mrs. Sharp, you can buy a new 
skirt in the stores for two dollars— right in style, too. 

Mrs. Sharp. Well, this is just as good for these people 
as if it were in style. 

Mrs. Easy. You needn't try to make them thmk that. 
You wouldn't wear it yourself and why should they wear 
such an antiquated looking thing? 

Mrs. Alden. I don't see why folks send thmgs here 
that are only fit for the rag bag. 

Mrs. Sharp. Oh, I suppose you are hittmg me. 1 
brought that skirt and it's plenty good enough for poor 
people to wear. I suppose you expect me to put m my best 
clothes, do you? 

Mrs. Easy. Oh, I didn't know you brought it. It will 
be nice to make over for some child. 

Mrs. Alden. The trouble is, so many of these people 
don't know enough to make over. 

Mrs. Sharp (holding up lace curtain full of holes). 
Here's a nice pair of lace curtains. What shall we mark 
them? , 

Mrs. Easy. Oh, they'll grab for those. You can mark 
them anything you like. 

Mrs. Sharp. One dollar I'll mark them and hang them 
over tliis hue. (Hangs curtains near door.) I'll bet Mrs. 

sent those. 

Mrs. Alden. Let's open this bundle. (Takes out dress.) 
I know where this came from all right. That's the dress 
Mrs. wore so long. I'm glad she's put it in the rum- 
mage sale. I'm sick to death of seeing her wear it. 

Mrs. Easy. It always was awfully unbecoming anyway. 

Mrs Sharp. Here's some shoes of hers, too. 

Mrs Alden. My, aren't thev awful big? I always knew 

she had big feet and I always wanted to know what size 

she wore. She pretends she wears fives, but I know better. 



6 THE RUMMAGE SALE. 

I wonder if the size is marked inside. {Looks.) Yes. here 
it is. {All look.) Number seven. Til let her know' next 
time I see her. 

^ Mrs. Sharp. Here's that collar Mrs. sent. 

Shouldn't you think a woman fifty years old would know- 
better than to wear a collar fit for a sixteen-year-old girl"^ 

_ Mrs. Easy. Here's a lot of Derby hats from Dr. . 

I'm glad he's given them up and taken to wearing soft hats 

instead. I think they are so much more becoming to him. 

Mrs. Alden. Here are some trousers and a coat from 

Mr. . They do say his wife belongs to so many societies 

he never can get a bit of mending done to his clothes, and 
I guess it's so. Just look here. Only one button on this 
coat, hning all ripped and a big tear. 

Mrs. Sharp. She's one of the suffragettes. Think she'd 
better stay home and tend to her mending instead of scur- 
rynig all over the country trying to get a vote. They make 
me tired. 

Mrs. Alden. It's too bad about you. I'm a suft'ragette, 
too, I'd have you understand, and I'm proud to be one, and 
I don't intend to have them spoken slightingly of in my 
presence. 

Mrs. Sharp. I did give you credit for more sense. 
_Mrs. Alden. Sense! I'm shoAving my good sense by 
being one. If you can show me any good reason why 
women should not have the vote — 

Mrs. Easy. There, there ; we haven't any time to spare 

for a debate now. Look at these things Mrs. sent. 

Mrs. Sharp. They look mighty dirty. I should not 
think folks would send stuff without washing it. We could 
get twice as much for it if it were only laundered. Wonder 
if she's a suffragette, too. 

Mrs. Alden. No more of your insults, Mrs. Sharp.. 
Anything said against a suffragette I take as a personal in- 
sult. 

Mrs. Sharp. Huh! I'm afraid you'll have a good many 
to swallow, then. 

Mrs. Easy. Now here's a very pretty silk dress— all 
good, too. I w^onder who sent that? 



THE RUMMAGE SALE. 7 

Mrs. Alden. Why, that's Mrs. and she's only 

worn it a few times. Isn't she extravagant to put that in 
here? 

Mrs. Sharp. Here's a lot of neckties and gloves. I'll 
put them on this end of the table. 

Mrs. Easy. I recognize those neckties. They are Mr. 

and he has a new tie to suit every mood. You know 

what a changeable man he is, so you see he has to have a 
very large supply of neckties. 

Mrs. Sharp. AA'ill you look at this dress suit! Who 
could have put that in ? 

Mrs. Easy. I don't recognize it, but it looks so good it 
must have been put in by mistake. 

Mrs. Alden. Oh. no ; probably some one has outgrown 
it and got sick of seeing it around. 

Mrs. Easy. How nuich shall I mark it? 

Mrs. Sharp. It will be hard to get rid of that, so I 
wouldn't mark it too much. 

Mrs. Alden. No ; you probably can't get more than a 
quarter for it. Here's that vase Mrs. • has had on her 

mantel for the last fifty years. I'm glad she's finally got 
up courage enough to part with it. It's the most hideous 
thing I ever saw. 

Mrs. Sharp. Here's a lot of children's clothes. I'm glad 
to have them. 

Mrs. Easy. Oh, those are Mrs. children's clothes. 

Aren't they cute? She always does make such pretty things 
for her children. 

Mrs. Alden. Here's that overcoat Mr. has worn 

for the last ten years. I'm glad the poor man has a new 
one at last. They do say his wife spends so much money 
going to the "movies" that he can hardly get a cent for 
himself. 

Mrs. Sharp. What shall we mark it? 

Mrs. Alden. Well, it looks like thirty cents. 

Mrs. Easy. That's enough for it. Here's some shirt 

waists. I remember how sweet Miss looked in this 

blue one the first time she wore it at the choir rehearsal. I 



8 THE RUMMAGE SALE. 

guess some of the boys thought so, to. I noticed was 

waiting at the door when she went out. 

Door opens, Mrs. Rusacow enters. 

Mrs. Sharp (stepping to door). We are not ready to 
open yet. You'll have to wait outside until we open the 
door. 

Mrs. Rusacow. Veil, I pin here two hours alretty. Time 
you open door. How mooch dem curtain ? 

Mrs. Sharp. One dollar; but I can't sell you anything 
until the door is opened. 

Mrs. Rusacow, I like see dem curtain. (Reaches up to 
take curtains from line.) 

Mrs. Sharp. No, you can't see them until the door is 
opened. (Opens door and pushes Mrs. Rusacow.) You'll 
have to stay out until we have the things marked. 

Mrs. Rusacow. I like dem curtain. I buy dem. 

Mrs. Sharp (giving Mrs. Rusacow a final push). You 
must stay out until the door is opened. 

Mrs. Alden. Isn't it funny how folks will buy such 
things ? I don't know but we'd better hang up a sign : 
"Great rummage sale now going on. Don't go elsewhere 
to get cheated. Come in here." 

Door opens again and Mrs. Hennesy pokes in head. 

Mrs. Hennesy. Fur hivin's sake, ain't youse niver goin' 
to open the doors? It's froize Oi am intirely watin' here 
since sivin o'clock in the mornin'. 

Mrs. Sharp (closing door). We're hurrying as fast as 
we can. 

Mrs. Alden. Let's mark just a few more, then guess at 
the rest of the prices. It would take us all day at the rate 
we're getting along. 

Mrs. Easy. Here's a gallon can of something. (Smells 
of it.) What on earth is it? 

Mrs. Alden (smelling). It smells like molasses. 

Mrs. Sharp. Oh, I know about that. Mrs. sent 

it. It is molasses and she said she was going to get every 
drop of it out of the house. 



THE RUMMAGE SALE. 9 

Mrs. Easy. What on earth did she do that for? 

Mrs. Sharp. She said she'd been trying for months to 

get Mr. to varnish their kitchen floor and finally one 

day last week she got him at it. They kept off it for sev- 
eral days, but it didn't seem to dry a bit ; so finally she 
investigated and found he had varnished that whole floor 
with molasses, and she did have the awfuUest time getting 
it washed ofl". He's promised to varnish it tomorrow and 
she said she'd see there wasn't a drop of molasses in the 
house. 

Mrs. Alden. That makes me think of the story the otlier 

day about Mrs. and her little daughter Mary. You 

know Mr. is a great hand to be out nights and little 

Mary is a great hand to ask questions. Well, the other 

night when Mrs. put out the light after putting Mary 

in bed, Mary asked, "Mamma, where does the light go 
when it goes out?" "What a foolish question to ask," said 

Mrs. . "You might as well ask me where your father 

goes when he goes out." 

Mrs. Easy. Oh, that makes me tliink of a story about 

Mrs. . I must tell it while I think of it. Then we 

must hustle and get the door open. 

Mrs. Alden. Hurry up, then, and tell us. 

Mrs. Easy. Mr. was out very late last Thursday 

night at his club and when he got ready to start for home 

some one called up Mrs. on the phone and told her* 

that her husband was on his way home in an automobile. 
"I hope it's a {name an automobile) he's coming in," she 
said. "They say they go so fast they take one's breath 

away, and if he's been at the Club all this time I'd 

like to have something take his breath away before he gets 
home." [Laughter.) 

Mr. Moriarity pokes head in door. 

Mr. Moriarity. Hev yez anny hats Oi could be afther 
buying? Me hid is gittin' cauld standing out here. 

Mrs. Sharp. Yes; close the door, please, and we'll be 
ready in a few minutes. (Mr. Moriarity closes door.) 

Mrs. Sharp. Mrs. Alden, you stand at this door and 



10 THE RUM.AIAGE SALE. 

keep it closed for a few minutes. (Mrs. Alden stands at 
door, zvhicli is continually rattled and pushed.) 

Mrs. Alden. Do hurry up. They are getting so impa- 
tient I can't keep them out much longer. 

Mrs. Easy. I'll put this bunch of things over here and 
hang these up here. 

Mrs. Sharp. The men's things are all on this and you 
take charge of them, Mrs. Easy; and Mrs. Alden, you look 
out for the dresses and waists and T'll see to the other 
things. Are we all ready now? Have you some change 
and some paper and string? 

Mrs. Easy. Yes, I have — 

Mrs. Alden. Yes. Shall I open the door now? 

Mrs. Sharp. Let me take one more look. Yes, open 
it. Now look out or some things will mysteriously disap- 
pear. Open the door, Mrs. Alden. (Mrs. Alden opens 
door.) 

Mrs. Rusacow, Mrs. Hennesy, Mr. Moriarity, Mrs. 
RiNALDi, Mr. Goldman and Mrs. Badger rush in pell-uiell, 
begin, pulling and hauling over things. Mrs. Rusacow and 
Mrs. Hennesy pull curtains from the line. 

Mrs. Sharp. Do you wish to buy these curtains? 

Mrs. Rusacow {pulling them az^'ay from Mrs. Hen- 
nesy). I puy dem. I say I puy dem when I come in 
pefore. 

Mrs. Hennesy (getting them away fro-m Mrs. Rusa- 
cow). Oi bed them in me foists foirst and Oi don't intind 
to be chated out uv thim by anny old Jew. They'll look illi- 
gant in little Bridgie's slaping room. How mooch do yez 
be axing fur thim? 

Mrs. Sharp. They are one dollar, but I don't know but 
this woman has first choice. 

Mrs. Rusacow. Veil, I haf. I say I puy dem and I 
puy dem. Gif them to me quick. (Pulls them azvay from 
Mrs. Hennesy.) Here is de tollar. 

Mrs. Hennesy (pulls them azvay from Mrs. Rusacow). 
Oi'll give two dollars. Oi'm not going to get baten out uv 
thim by anny furriner. 



THE RUMMAGE SALE. 11 

Mrs. Rusacow (getting curtains again). Tree toUar. I 
gif tree tollar. I puy dem curtain. 1 gif tree tollar. 

Mrs. Hennesv. Yez are an ould fool th.in and yez kin 
take thim. Shure it's not three cints they're worth at all. at 
all. (Mrs. Sharp docs up curtains for Mrs. Rusacow, 
Mrs. Hennesy looks at other articles.) 

Mrs. Rinaldi {to Mrs. Alden). How much disa 
dressa? 

Mrs. Alden. That's a very nice dress and we are only 
asking one dollar for it. What size do you wear? 

Mrs. Rinaldi. I no know whatta you meana by siza. 

Mrs. Alden. Is it large enough for you? 

Mrs. Rinaldi {holding dress up to her). Bigga-bigga. 

Mrs. Alden. Let me try it on for you. {Slips dress on 
Mrs. Rinaldi.) I'm afraid it is too small. 

Mrs. Rinaldi. No, no. It bigga enough. Pretty dressa, 
I like disa dressa. (Mrs. Alden tries to fasten dress, 
zvhich is very much too small.) 

Mrs. Alden. It is altogether too small for you. Try 
this one. 

Mrs. Rinaldi. No ; no lika data dressa ; lika disa one. 
Bigga enough. (Mrs. Rinaldi admires herself in mirror, 
turning and tzvisting to get all zicia'S.) How nnich you say 
disa dressa? 

Mrs. Alden. One dollar. 

Mrs. Rinaldi. Too much mona — no hava so much 
mona. I give fifty centa. 

Mrs. Alden. No, you can't have it for any less than a 
dollar. 

Mrs. Rinaldi. I poora woman; six childa. I no hava 
much a mona. 

Mrs. Alden. Well, try this dress. This is only seventy- 
five cents and would fit you much better. That doesn't fit 
you at all. 

Mrs. Rinaldi. No ; no lika data — no pretty. I give you 
sixty centa. 

Mrs. Alden. No; you'll have to pay a dollar if you 
want it. 

Mrs. Rinaldi. I give seventy centa. 



12 THE RUMMAGE SALE. 

Mrs. Alden. No ; you can't have it a cent less than a 
dollar. (Mrs. Rinaldi takes off dress and goes along to 
other articles.) 

Mr. Moriarity (to Mrs. Easy). How mooch are the 
lids? 

Mrs. Easy. The what? 

Mr. Moriarity. The lids — the hats. 

Mrs. Easy. Oh, different prices. This one is twenty- 
five cents. This one is fifty cents, and here is one you can 
have for ten cents. (Mr. Moriarity tries on hats, some so 
large they go dozvn oz'er his ears, some so small they perch 
on top of his head.) 

Mr. Moriarity. Shure, they're all too big or too small. 
Oi'm afrade thiy're not becoming to me stoiyle uv beauty. 
(Mr. Moriarity continues trying on coats, hats, etc.) 

Mr. Goldman, Vot vas de price of this overgoat? 

Mrs. Easy. That is a very nice coat. The buttons are 
all gone, the lining is torn and it has a tear in the back ; but 
apart from those things it is a nice coat ; but I'll let you 
have it for three dollars. 

Mr. Goldman. Tree tollars ! Too much. It have moths 
in it, too. Look ; all full moths. 

Mrs. Easy. Well, what do you expect for three dollars ? 
Humming birds? Try it on. (Mr. Goldman tries on coat, 
ivhich is very much too large for him.) It's rather large 
for you. 

Mr. Goldman. I ton't care for that. I get more goots 
for my money if it ees beeg. I wants to get my money's 
vurth. I gif you two tollar. 

Mrs. Easy. I said three dollars. 

Mr, Goldman. Dat vos too much. I gif you two tollar 
and a quarter. I need new coat ; mine vas old. You kind 
lady, you let me haf it for two dollar and a quarter. 

Mrs. Easy. All right. Shall I wrap it up or will you 
wear it? 

Mr. Goldman. I wear it. Now I vant new hat. 

Mrs. Easy. Right here. We have a lot of hats. WHiat 
kind do you want? 

Mr. Goldman. I vant a style von. I go see mine best 



THE RUMMAGE SAEE. 13 

girl Rebecca tonight. I vant to look like von, vot you call 
liim — von dude, like von dude. 

Mrs. Easy. Here's a stylish looking hat. Try this one 
on. 

Mr. Goldman {trying on hat). Too beeg, too beeg. 

Mrs. Easy. Try this one. 

Mr. Goldman. No ; not style. No, I vant a style von — 
make me look like swell man. 

Mrs. Easy. How do you like this one? 

Mr. Goldman (trying on hat much too small). I like. 
That vos the von that makes me look sweet to mine Re- 
becca. How much dis von ? 

Mrs. Easy. You can have that for twenty-five cents. 

Mr. Goldman. I gif you twenty cent. 

Mrs. Easy. No. Twenty-five. You ought to be will- 
ing to pay that much to look sweet to Rebecca. 

Mr. Goldman. I pay twenty-five. She think I look so 
fine. 

Mrs. Easy. Do you want me to wrap the hat up ? 

Mr. Goldman. No; I wear it. 

Mrs. Easy. Now, you ougl^U; to have some gloves. 

Mr. Goldman. I haf no more money. You gif me 
gloves. I pay so much money for coat and hat I haf no 
money left. 

Mrs. Easy. I rather think you could find a little more 
in the corner of your pocket. Look at these gloves ; just the 
things you need to make you look real stylish. (Mrs. Easy 
shows pair of large zvhite cotton gloves zvhich Mr. Gold- 
man puts on.) There, that's just the finishing touch. That 
sight will surely melt Rebecca's heart. 

Mr. Goldman {looking at gloves admiringly). Veil, it 
vos style. How much vos the price? 

Mrs. Easy. I'll let you have those cheap to help you 
out. You can have them for ten cents. 

Mr. Goldman. I gif you five cent. 

Mrs. Easy. All right, take them ; but there one more 
thing you need. 

Mr. Goldman. Vot vos that? 



14 THE RUMATAGE SALE. 

Mrs. Easy. A cane. All the dudes carry a cane and 
I have one right over here. 

Mr. Goldman. Yes, I vant von cane, but I haf no 
money. 

Mrs. Easy. That doesn't cost much You can have it 
for a quarter. 

Mr. Goldman. I haf no quarter. I gif you ten cent. 

Mrs. Easy. We'll call it fifteen. 

Mr. Goldman. I vant von glass for mine eye to make 
me look like von dudfe. 

Mrs. Easy. Why, yes ; of course you do. I almost for- 
got that. I'll see if I can find one. Yes, here's just the 
thing. {Holds up lorgnette.) 

Mr. Goldman. Dot vos shust it. (Holds up to eye.) 
Vich eye vos it I hold it at ? 

Mrs. Easy. Let me show you how to use it. 

Mr. Goldman. Mine Repecca vill smile ven she sees 
me coming up de street. 

Mrs. Easy. Yes, I rather think she will. I'll sell you 
that for fifty cents. 

Mr. Goldman, Too much! I haf no money left to take 
mine Repecca to de movies. 

Mrs. Easy. Well, I'll help you out a little and let you 
have it for a quarter. 

Mr. Goldman. I gif you ten cent. 

Mrs. Easy. There, hand it back if you don't want to 
pay a quarter for it. That's too cheap to sell it for anyway. 

Mrs. wouldn't think much of my selling her swell 

lorgnette for a quarter. 

Mr. Goldman. I must haf it. I gif you one quarter. 
Now, I vill go to mine Repecca and I vill say to her, "Vill 
you pe mine vife?" 

Mrs. Easy. She surely will never be able to refuse such 
a howling swell as you are. 

Mr. Goldman (looking in mirror). I vos von dude. I 
go to mine Repecca. (Exit.) 

Mr. Moriarity. Shure, if Barnum wuz aloive it 
wouldn't be safe fur him to step out uv this door. 



THE RUMMAGE SALE. 15 

Mrs. Hennesy. Talk about the concatc of winiin. Could 
annything bate the concate of that monkey ? 

Mrs. Alden (to Mrs. Badger, ivho has been trying on 
dresses and waists). Have you decided to take some of 
these? That one you have on fits you very nicely. 

Mrs. Badger (haughtily) . Oh! I'm not buying them for 
myself at all. I don't never need to wear no clotlies from a 
rummage sale. I've a neighbor what has a sick husband 
and some children, so I thought I'd buy some of these to 
give to her. 

Mrs. Hennesy (aside to Mrs. Sharp). Will yez hear 
the ould phool talk ? Shure to me cartain knowladge she's 
niver hid a dress or a coat to her back fur the last tin years 
that she didn't buy at a rummage sale. Shure, it's moighty 
silly proide Oi calls it. Begorry, Oi just watch out fur the 

rummage sales, and whin Oi see the Church is goin' 

to hev wan, thin I ses to mesilf, ses Oi, "Now's yer chance, 
Mrs. Hinnisy, to be gittin' yer foinery. It's illigant clothes 
the loidies at that church do be wearing." I bed me hand 
on that door knob at sivin o'clock the morning. 

Mrs. Badger. How much do you ask for them things — 
the waist and shirt and coat? 

Mrs. Alden. I'll let you have the skirt for fifty cents, 
the waist for twenty-five and the coat for a dollar. That's 
one dollar and seventy-five cents in all. 

Mrs. Badger. Couldn't you let me have them cheaper 
since I'm just buying them to give away to some poor 
people ? 

Mrs. Hennesy (coming over to Mrs. Alden). Oi fale 
it me duty to expose that chakey crature. Divil a thing 
does she be after giving away at all, at all. She's buying it 
fur hersilf, iviry bit uv it, and she do be loiying to yez all 
the toime. 

Mrs. Badger. I'd thank you to mind your own business, 
Mrs. Hennesy. 

Mrs. Hennesy. Shure, it's me own bisiniss Oi do be 
moinding, but Oim not going to stand by and hear you 
loiying and chating. Shame on yez. 



16 THE RUMMAGE SALE. 

Mrs. Alden (to Mrs. Badger). Do you want these 
things for the price I said ? 

Mrs. Badger (angrily). No, I don't want none of your 

old rummage sale. I've plenty of money to go up to • 

store and buy some stylish stuff. I'll leave this dirty old 
stuff' for the likes of Mrs. Hennesy. 

Mrs. Hennesy. Shure, it's too good for the loikes of 
yez. Perhaps yez kin foind something over in Mr. Mulli- 
gan's dump yez can wear. (Mrs. Badger goes out with 
head in air.) Shure, she's bin to iviry rummage sale in 
the place for the last foive years and Oive got sick of her 
ould gag about giving it away. (Mrs. Hennesy tries on 
various hats, coats, etc.) 

Mr. Moriarity, Hev yez anny stockings me soize? 

Mrs. Easy. What number do you wear ? 

Mr. Moriarity. What number do Oi wear? Two, uv 
course. Do youse take me fur a cinitipede? 

Mrs. Easy. How would these do? They are very nice, 
fine stockings and there isn't the thing the matter with 
them except that the feet are cut off'. 

Mr. Moriarity. Ixcipt the fate are cut off'! Shure, 
who'd be afther moinding a little thing loike that. Begorry, 
Oi kin wear them fur wristers. (Puts them on wrists.) 
Now, if ye'U foind me a necktie that's big and broight and 
grane Oi'U be drissed up complate. 

Mrs. Easy. Here's just the thing. 

Mr. Moriarity. Begorry it is. Oi'U put it roight on. 
(Puts on very large green tie.) If yez want stoiyle the 
place to visit is a rummage sale. 

Mrs. Easy. If it's style you're after, just look at this 
dress suit. I'll sell it to you for a quarter. 

Mr. Moriarity (looks it over, feels in pockets, finds 
watch and money which he looks at slyly, keeping them- 
out of sight of Mrs. Easy.) Shure, Oi'U take it to wear 
to the Hibernian ball. Here's yer quarter. Be as spry as 
yer can. Oi've an engagement to kape. Oi'U be off to 
walk up Main Strate to show me foinery. (Mr. Moriarity 
hurries out unth dress suit.) 



THE RUMMAGE SALE. 17 

Mrs. Alden (to Mrs. Sharp). They say over in the 
Fiji Islands women don't wear any clothes. 

Mrs. Sharp. Gracious! What do they ever find to talk 
about ? 

Mrs. RiNALDi. You take ninety centa for that dressa 
now ? 

Mrs. Aldi^n (looking over things). Why, wherfe is that 
dress? I left it right here and I'm sure I haven't sold it 
to anyone. Mrs. Easy, have you seen that dress this lady 
was trying on ? 

Mrs. Easy. No. Men's clothing is my specialty. I 
haven't had anything to do with, the dresses. 

Mrs. Hennesy (aside to Mrs. Alden). Jist kape wan 
oiye on that Jew. Do yez catch on to the cape she's afther 
wearing and the lumps yez say under it. Shure, it's me 
oiye Oi've hed on her and a good manny things she's poked 
up under thet she nivir paid wan cint fur. Oi'm thinking 
that's where yez'U foind the driss yez are afther looking 
for. 

Mrs. Sharp (to Mrs. Rusacow). Have you noticed a 
dress that this woman was trying on? It seems to be 
missing. 

Mrs. Rusacow. Veil, I do rememper a dress, but vot it 
vos I ton't know. I didn't vant it so I didn't look at eet 
much. 

Mrs. Sharp. You seem to have bought a good many 
things. I didn't sell you anything but the lace curtains and 
you haven't paid for those yet. They can't make such a 
bunch under your cape. 

Mrs. Rusacow. I had soutc pundles I pought at mine 
frient's store. 

Mrs. Sharp. I believe you are lying. I think we had 
better send for a policeman. 

Mrs. Alden. I'll run right out and try to find one. Do 
you suppose there is one anywhere near? 

Mrs. Hennesy. Me cousin's bate is roight out here. 

Yez'll foind him at the corner near 's store. (Mrs. 

Alden rushes out, Mrs. Rusacow tries to get out also. 
Mrs. Hennesy closes door, stands back to it zvith arms 



18 THE RUMMAGE SALE. 

akimbo.) No, yez don't thry yer little troicks wid Bridgit 
Hinnisy. Yez don't go out of this store till me Cousin 
Larry says what's under that cape. 

Mrs. Rusacow. Let me out. I tell you I haf nc pundles 
but mine own. {Tries to push Mrs. Hennesy from door.) 

Mrs. Hennesy. Shure, yez moight as well be saving yer 
stringth. Yez don't git out of this store Oi say until me 
cousin comes. Yez needn't thry ayther fur Oi could knock 
yez down with wan blow of me foist. (Mrs. Hennesy 
shakes fist in Mrs. Rusacow's face. Mrs. Rusacow edges 
over to table and tries to take something from under her 
cape and put it on table.) Begorry, yez can put that roight 
back. Not wan thing comes out from under that cape until 
me Cousin Larry gits here. Here's the bye now. 

Enter Larry and Mrs. Alden, 

Mrs. Hennesy. Good morning, Larry, me bye, here's a 
foine little job Oi've bin saving for yez. 

Larry (to Mrs. Rusacow). I've met you before. Up 
to your old tricks again, are you ? Take off that cape, quick. 

Mrs. Rusacow. I tell you I von't take off mine cape. I 
vos honest voman, I tell you. The pundles under mine cape 
are mine own. I pought at mine frient's store. I pay mine 
money for my pundles. 

Larry. All right. Show us what they are. Off with 
that cape. (Mrs. Rusacow tries to get to door. Larry 
grabs her.) Well, if you won't take it off' yourself, Til have 
to take it off for you. (Mrs. Rusacow resists strenuously 
but Larry finally gets the cape off, shoiving numerous ar- 
ticles tucked in belt, throzvn over shoulder, big pillow case 
fidl, etc.) Do you recognize any of these articles, ladies? 

Mrs. Sharp. Yes, here's that waist of Mrs. . 

Mrs. Alden. And here's the dress we were looking for. 
(Larry empties pillow case.) 

Larry. This all belong here? 

Mrs. Easy. Yes, it does. 

Larry (to Mrs. Rusacow). I've caught you with the 
goods this time. It's what I've been wanting to do for some 



THE RUMMAGE SALE. 19 

time. I congratulate you, ladies, on capturing this woman. 
She's an old hand at the game. 

Mrs. Sharp. I think we must give the credit of it to 
Mrs. Hennesy. 

Mrs. Hennesy. It's wan could day whin a Jew gits 
ahead of an Oirish loidy. Oi think Oi'll take thim lace cur- 
tains now fur little Bridgie's slaping room. 

Mrs. Easy. I think we'd better make you a present of 
them for your detective work. 

Larry (to Mrs. Rusacow). You come along with me. 
I'll take you to the station. (Mrs. Rusacow resists but 
Larry, aided by Mrs. Hennesy, pushes her out of the 
door.) 

Mrs. Easy. Wasn't that a dreadful experience? 

Mrs. Alden. I'm getting so nervous I'd like to fly. 

Mrs. Sharp. Look out or you'll get as bad as Mrs. 

Mrs. Alden. Is she very nervous? 

Mrs. Sharp. Yes, dreadfully nervous. She complains 

to Mr. that his rooster kept her awake by crowing in 

the night. Mr. said his rooster never crowed more 

than three times in the night and not more than three sec- 
onds each time, but Mrs. said it was just as bad — that 

he must remember the seven hours, fifty-nine minutes and 
fifty-one seconds she was waiting for the infernal thing to 
crow. 

Mrs. Alden. One more rumnrage sale and I'd be in the 
same condition. 

Mrs. Easy. I think we need the kind of saleswomen at 

our rummage sale that Mr. ■ advertised for. He 

wanted young women who would be partly outside and 
partly behind the counter. Quite a trick that would be, 
wouldn't it? 

Enter Susie Smith. 

Susie {picking up pair of slippers). I wish I could have 
them. 

Mrs. Easy. You can have them for a quarter. 

Susie. I ain't got no money. (Picks up hat.) Gee, I 
wisht I could have that. {Picks up cjloves and tries oh.) 



20 THE RUMMAGE SALE. 

Say, I wisht I wuz a millionaire so's I cud buy all them 
things. (Picks up different articles, zvishing for them all.) 

Mrs. Alden. When you grow up and have a husband 
he'll buy you all the pretty things you want. 

Susie. Huh, I ain't never goin' to git married. I'm 
going ter be an old maid. 

Mrs. Alden. An old maid? Why? 

Susie. Cos I don't think I'd like ter to do wot Mrs. 
hez to do every time she goes shoppin'. 

Mrs. Alden. What does she have to do? 

Susie. She has ter kiss her husband lots of times and 
tell him how good and handsome he is so he'll give her some 
money. I'd rather work and earn nry money. 

Mrs. Hennesy {trying on hats). Now phwat do yez 
thoink uv this fur me spring bunnit? Are the loines uv it 
roight fur me face? (Turns round and round for the ladies 
to see.) Or do yez loike this wan better? 

Mrs. Alden. That looks rather young. 

Mrs. Hennesy. Oi think misilf it looks a little younger 
and more jaunty loike and shure that's phwat Oi do be 
wanting. It's toime enough to wear ould looking things 
whin yer ould, ses Oi. How do yez loike this wan, thin? 

Mrs. Sharp. That looks better. 

Mrs. Hennesy. Oi don't loike it at all, at all. It looks 
too much like a funeral fur a young woman loike I be. Oi 
think Oi'll take this wan with the big posies. . Shure, that'll 
take Moichel's oiye and begorry if Oi don't stop me buying 
and go home Moichel '11 hev no dinner and nary a cint at 
all, at all. to buy the terbaccy fur his ould T. D. It's much 
obloiged Oi am to yez loidies and it's some iUigint clothes 
Oi do be having. Good-bye, Oi'll say yez whin yez hev 
yer nixt rummige sale. (Exit.) 

Susie. I wisht I could hev that hat. 

Mrs. Easy. All right, child, I'll give it to you. 

Susie. Oh, thank you, mum. I wisht I could have that 
dress and that coat and that waist and them slippers and 
them gloves and them — 

Mrs. Easy. There, there; that's all I'm going to give 



THE RUMMAGE SALE. 21 

you. Take your bat and run home. (Susie goes out 
wishJjKj for soiiicthiiuj as she (jocs.) 

Mrs. Shiftless a)id Mrs. Lightfinger enter. Both 
handle over goods. 

Mrs. Shiftless. How much is this dress? 

Mrs. Alden. Only one dollar. A nice dress. Nothing 
the matter with it except it needs a few hooks and eyes 
sewed on. 

Mrs. Shiftless. Oh, I don't want it if there's anything 
to do it. It's too much work to sew on hooks and eyes. 
I'd rather wear any old rag than take a stitch. I hates to 
sew. (Mrs. Shiftless moves on to look at other thiiigs.) 

Mrs. Alden (to Mrs. Sharp). Isn't that the limit for 
laziness? 

Mrs. Sharp. It nrakes me think of the story I heard 

about Mrs. . You know she's an awful lazy woman. 

One day she was sitting on the piazza with her back to the 
street when along came a big parade, brass band and the 

usual crowd of people. Mrs. was sitting on the 

piazza with her, and said, "Oh, isn't this a fine parade? 
It's the best one I've seen for years." "Is it?" says Mrs. 

— . "I'd certainly like to see it. What a pity 'tis I 

ain't facing that way ; but it's too much work to turn 'round." 

Mrs. Lightfinger. What's the price of that coat hang- 
ing up there? 

Mrs. Easy. That isn't for sale. It belongs to one of 
the women who is working here. 

Mrs. Lightfinger. What is the price of the one over 
there? 

Mrs. Easy. That isn't for sale either. That is mine. 

Mrs. Lightfinger. How about that one? 

Mrs. Easy. That belongs to one of the women, too, but 
here is a nice coat I'll sell you cheap. 

Mrs. Lightfinger (trying on coat). Do you think I'd 
wear such an old-fashioned looking thing as that? Guess it 
came over in the ark. 

Mrs. Easy. I'll look over on the other tables to see if 
there are any others left. The men's and women's things 



22 THE RUMMAGE SALE. 

have all got mixed together. (Mrs. Easy goes to other table 
looking for coat.) 

Mrs. LiGiiTFiNGER {to Mrs. Shiftless). I like the 
looks of them three coats hanging on the wall and you 
just watch them women while I work 'round and get one 
of them coats mixed with these and I'll get off with it, and 
maybe we'll be able to get both the others, too, if we're 
smart. Keep a sharp eye out now and keep them busy. 
(Mrs. Shiftless engages Mrs. Alden's and Mrs. Sharp's 
attention by trying on ivaists, asking adi'ice, etc. Mrs. 
LiGiiTFiNGER sUdcs 07'er to where Mrs. Alden's coat is 
hanging, casually knocks it on floor, picks it up as if it 
fell from the table and puts other things over it.) 

Mrs. Easy. I can't seem to find any good ones. Think 
we must have sold them all. 

Mrs. Lightfinger (pulls over things, finally pidls up 
Mrs. Alden's coat). Here's one I found at the bottom of 
the pile. Perhaps I could wear that. 

Mrs. Easy. Why, I hadn't seen that one here before. 
We must have had so much stuff piled over it we overlooked 
it. Will you try it on? 

Mrs. Lightfinger. No, I'm getting it for my sister 
and it looks about the right size. How much do you ask 
for it? 

Mrs. Easy. Well, it's getting late and not many folks 
in now, so I'll let you have it for twenty-five cents. 

Mrs. Lightfinger. Here's the quarter and I'll run into 
my sister's with it right off. She lives right near here. 

Mrs. Easy. I hope it will fit her. 

Mrs. Lightfinger {to Mrs. Shiftless). I got one of 
them in my clutches and I'll be back in a few minutes and 
we'll get the others. Keep them busy so they won't miss 
this one. 

Mrs. Rinaldi {trying on dress again). 1 give ninety 
centa for dis dressa. 

Mrs. Sharp. All right; take it. I guess you've earned 
it hanging around here all the morning. {Exit Mrs. Ri- 
naldi.) 



THE RUMMAGE SALE. 23 

Mrs. Shiftless keeps all three busy hunting for things, 
trying them on, etc. Mrs. Lightfinger enters. 

Mrs. Easy. Did the coat fit? 

Mrs. Lightfinger. Just a fit. Now I want a skirt for 
myself. 

Mrs. Easy. I'm afraid we haven't any left. Perhaps 1 
can find one in this pile. (Hunts.) 

Mrs. Lightfinger. I thought I saw one over this way. 
(Edges near Mrs. Sharp's and Mrs. Easy's coats, manages 
to knock them both on the floor, then, after looking at the 
goods a second, kicks them both under table.) 

Mrs, Easy. I can't find any. Guess they are all sold. 

Mr. Morrison rushes in all out of breath. 

Mr. Morrison (excitedly). Have you seen anything of 
a dress suit here ? My wife sent mine by mistake — a new 
one I just bought last week — and my gold watch was in it 
and fifty dollars besides. Do you know anything about it? 
(All gather round Mr. Morrison in surprise and dismay.) 

Mrs. Easy. Oh, dear! Oh, dear! What have I done? 
\Vhat have I done? I sold it myself for twenty-five cents 
to an Irishman. (Wrings her hands.) 

Mrs. Lightfinger (to Mrs. Shiftless). Reach under 
the table and grab one of them coats and walk out as quick 
as you can. (Mrs. Shiftless goes to table, knocks off 
something, picks up Mrs. Easy's coat and zvalks out ivhile 
Mrs. Easy, Mrs. Sharp and Mrs. Alden are talking to 
Mr. Morrison.) 

Mr. Morrison (angrily). I should think anybody would 
have had more sense than to have sold that suit. Can't 
you get track of it any way? Did you know the man? 
What did he look like? W^hich way did he go? That means 
two hundred dollars at least to me. I wish I had hold of 
the person that first thought of a rummage sale. Of all 
the fool ways of raising money they are the worst. 

Mrs. Easy. Oh, I am so sorry! What can we do? 
Hadn't we better tell the police? 

Mr. Morrison. Police ! Police ! Did you ever know the 
police to find anything? 



24 THE RUMMAGE SALE. 

Mrs. Lightfinger. Just look out this window. There's 
a man going along the street now with a dress suit over his 
arm. {All rush to zvindozc.) 

Chorus. Where? Where? 

Mrs. Lightfinger. Down there ; he's behind that wagon 
now. Just watch a minute and you'll see him. (Aside.) 
Now's my chance. (Grabs Mrs. Sharp's coat from under 
table.) If they aren't the easiest bunch I ever saw. I've got 
all three of their coats. I wish I dared to come back to see 
the fun, but I think it's healthier for me to beat it. (Goes 
out laughing while others are still xvatching at zvindozv.) 

Mr. Morrison. I don't see any man with a dress suit. 

Mrs. Easy. Oh, why don't you run out and perhaps 
you'll find him. 

Mrs. Sharp. Oh, hurry up. I do hope you'll catch him. 

Mrs. Alden. There's a policeman ! Go quick and get 
him! (Mr. Morrison rushes out.) 

Mrs. Easy. I'm going to put on my coat and go out to 
see if I can help find him. Oh, dear; I wish I'd said I 
wouldn't work on this old rummage sale. ( Goes to get 
coat.) Why, where is my coat? I hung it right here. Did 
either of you put it anywhere else? 

Mrs. Alden. No, I didn't. 

Mrs. Sharp. I haven't touched it. Perhaps it got on 
the table with the things. (All three begin hauling over 
things.) 

Mrs. Easy. Do you suppose some one stole it? 

Mrs. Sharp. I guess I'd better look for mine. (Looks.) 
It's gone, too. 

Mrs. Alden. And so is mine. 

Mrs. Easy. They must have got mislaid. Nobody could 
have taken all three of them off tlie hooks and carried them 
out without any of us seeing them. 

Mrs. Alden. Let's look again. (All search diligently.) 

Mrs. Easy. They simply are not here. 

Mrs. Sharp. Isn't it awful? Three good coats gone, 
worth I don't know how much, a dress suit, a gold watch, 
and fifty dollars in money. 



THE RUALMAGl' SALE. 25 

Mrs. Alden. I'm ashamed to tell anyone. How stupid 
we must be. This is a mighty cxi)ensive rummage sale. 

Mrs. Easy. This isn't a question of how much we make 
but how much we lose. Oh, dear me ! 

Mrs. Alden. What are we going to do? 

Mrs. Sharp. We'd better go right out and report it to 
the police. 

Mrs. Alden. What shall we do with the rest of the old 
stuff here? 

Mrs. Easy. Well, they've stolen everything that was 
any good, so they might as well come and take the old 
trash that is left. 

Mrs. Alden. What zi'ill our husbands say? 

Mrs. Sharp. I'm going right out to the police and see 
if I can't get track of mine before I tell my husband any- 
thing about it. 

Mrs. Alden. So am I. 

Mrs. Easy. Me, too. But we can't go out without 
coats. It's dreadfully cold and we'd catch our death of 
colds. 

Mrs. Sharp. Perhaps we can find something here we 
can wear. {They find very old-fashioned coats much too 
big or too small -zvhich they put on.) 

Mrs. Alden. Well, aren't we sights? 

Mrs. Sharp. No matter how we look if we can only 
find our coats. 

Mrs. Easy. And Mr. Morrison his dress suit, watch and 
money. Come on ; we're wasting time. Perhaps next time 
we'll know enough to keep our eyes open. 

Mrs. Alden. There'll never be a next time for me. Oh, 
here's the money. We most forgot to take that. 

Mrs. Sharp. Hurry, hurry. (All rush out.) 

Curtain. 



The Royal Highway 

By CHARLES ULRICH. 

Price, 25 Cents 

A comedy-drama in 4 acts: S males, 3 females. Time, 2% 
hours. Scenes: ?> interiors. Characters: Arthur Morgan, a law- 
yer. Cliarles Williams, a mine superintendent. Bill Hampton, a 
political boss. Harry Felton, a clerk. Horace Allen, a secretary. 
Rev. Jordan, a Methodist minister. ,limmy Farrell, an ex-convict. 
Sam Harrison, a detective. Margaret Ames, known as Miss 
Holmes. Lucy Matthews, a stenographer. Mrs. Mary Jones, presi- 
dent of the Ladies' Aid Society. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — The game of modern politics. The bribe. Morgan 
defies a political boss. "I'll crush you like I would a fly!" An 
anonymous philanthropist. The compact and avowal of love. The 
robbery and accusation. Margaret saves Morgan's honor. "No, 
it wa:j Providence!" 

Act II. — "I wish I had a millionaire friend like Miss Ames!" 
Farrell butts in. "Youse is playing a game of hearts what ain't 
in your contract." Williams divides the spoils. Margaret defies 
Williams, "Where did you get that money?" A villian's kiss and 
punishment. The power of attorney. "You'll be at my feet cry- 
ing for mercy!" 

Act III. — "Who is this anonymous philanthropist?" "The New 
York police are looking for you!" The tables turned. "I'll get 
your measure all right!" The story of Morgan's sorrow. "I could 
not forgive the woman who deceived me!" The nomination and 
accusation. Margaret's .ioy. "You are indeed a man among men!" 
Act IV. — "This suspense is driving me mad!" The letter. "I'm 
on the track of the man who killed my sister!" Tlie convict's 
secret. "Williams was my pal in Sing Sing!" Margaret reveals 
herself. "Gee! She's an iceberg!" "How little you know of true 
love!" Williams pays the penalty of treachery. Harry's promo- 
tion. On the royal highway. 

Re-Taming of the Shrew 

By JOHN W. POSTGATE. 

Price, 25 Cents 

Humorous Shakespearean travesty in one act; 6 males, 5 females. 
Time, about 45 minutes. One simple interior scene. Characters: 
Petruchio, Angelo, Duke of Illyria, Othello, Macbeth, Grumio, 
Katherine, Mariana, Viola, Desdemonia and Lady Macbeth. Plot: 
After her woeful honeymoon, Katlierine becomes an ardent suf- 
fragist and imposes household duties on Petrucliio, who submits 
to petticoat government. At a meeting of the women, man's doom 
as a political or domestic power is announced. Tlie women return 
to Petrucliio's home to find their husbands having a high old time. 
A lively controversy ensues but tlie men win the day wlien they 
threaten to appeal to tlie divorce courts. This travesty draws 
material from "Taming of tlie Shrew," "Measure for Measure," 
"Twelfth Night," "Othello" and "Macbeth." It retains many of 
tlie original lines from the plays, yet most ingeniously devised to 
fit tlie conditions of today. Costumes eitlier Shakespearean or 
modern. Especially recommended for schools, colleges, etc. Re- 
plete witli humor and sliould please any good club or society. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



Macbeth a la Mode 

By WALTER BEN HARE. 

Price, 25 Cents 

School builetta in 3 acts; 7 males, 7 females, also teachers, 
students, etc., with only a few lines. Time, I14 hours. No scenery 
required, merely a front curtain and an easel with placards an- 
nouncing scenes. Plot: Willie Macbetli is the social leader of the 
Senior Class. With his friend Banciuo he encounters Three 
Witches, wlio prophecy tliat lie will pass his examinations, be 
elected to a class office and will play on the football team. The 
first two prophecies come true and in Act II, Lady Macbeth, his 
mother, arranges for liim to play on the football team, by drugging 
the captain. Macbeth flies to the witches for further adviee and 
learns tliat lie will make a touchdown. He does, but runs with 
tlie ball toward the enemy's goal, thus losing the game for his 
own team. Contains five songs: "Fairwell, My Fairv Fav," 
'•Tact," "The Senior Class," "Music and Laughter" and "Good 
Night," all sung to college airs. This play is very humorous and 
particularly adapted for schools. 

THE WITCHES' CHANT 



Round about the cauldron go; 
Mathematics you must know. 
Let X equal the cold stone, 
Wlien will Y be thirty-one? 
Drop tliat in the mystic pan: 
Tell me, pray, how old is Ann? 
Double, double, boil and bubble, 
iMathematics makes them trou- 
ble. 
Fillet of a fenny snake. 
In the cauldron boil and bake; 
Eye of newt and toe of frog. 
Wool of bat and tongue of dog. 
Biology makes 'em cut and jab. 
Thirteen hours a week in lali. 
Latin, Greek and German, too, 
Fifty pages make a .stew. 
And to tliicken up the mystery. 
Take two chapters English His- 
tory. 
Physics, French and Englisli Lit, 



Spend an hour on each or git. 
All night long from six to three. 
Study math and cliemistry. 
In the hours when you should 

dream. 
Write an English twelve-page 

tlieme. 
Work at night and Sunday, too. 
Outside reading you must do. 
Next day, when you're on the 

bunk. 
Teacher springs exam — you 

flunk. 
Double, double, boil and bubble, 
High school life is full of trouble. 
Cool it with a Freshman's blood. 
Then tlie charm is tliick and 

good. 
By the pricking of my thumbs,- 
Something wicked this way 

comes. 



Reminiscences of the Donation Party 

By JESSIE A. KELLEY. 
Price, 25 Cents 

The soliloquy of a minister's wife, with tableaux. For 40 or 
more characters, both sexes, altliougli the number is optional and 
it can be presented with a smaller cast. Time, about 35 minutes. 
The wife at tlie side of the stage recounts tlie many amusing 
incidents of the party, tells who attended and what they brought, 
etc. The characters appear in pantomime. This entertainment is 
unique. It fills the demand for something that can be put on "at 
the last moment." It eliminates the usual long preparations re- 
quired in producing a play; no parts to memorize and it can be 
played on any platform. Higlily humorous, replete with local hits 
and strongly recommended for church societies. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



The Deacon Entangled 

By HARRY OSBORNE. 

Price, 25 Cents 

Comedy in 3 acts; 6 males, 4 females. Time, 2 hours. Scene: 
1 interior. Characters: Deacon Penrose, a member in good stand- 
ing. Calvin, his nephew. Rev. Sopher, a supporter of foreign mis- 
sions Harry Baxter, a sporting writer. Rafferty, a policeman. 
A Plain Clothes- Man. Mrs. Penrose. Ruth, her daughter. 
Georgie, Rev. Sopher's daughter. Katy, a maid. 
SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — In wliich the Deacon finds himself in a tight corner. 
Dr. Sopher, who can coax money out of a wooden Indian. A thou- 
sand dtDllars for the new pipe organ. Cal arrives. A clean-up- 
clouter instead of a ministerial prospect. "Did I forget my necictie 
and button my collar in the back?" The Deacon spends a night 
out. "We won't go home until morning." 

Act II. — The raid on the gambling joint. "Why didn't you 
jump when I told you." On bail. "A tliousand dollars to the Doc 
or you lose your job as Deacon: a thousand to tlie judge or six 
months." A sporting chance. Ready for tlie game. A donation 
to Foreign Missions and a double barreled courtship. The elope- 
ment. The arrest. "Come on Cal, I'll see you through." 

Act III. — The big game. Tied in the Tenth. Cal goes to the 
box. A Pincli Hitter. "Over tlie scoreboard." On the Deacon's 
trail — the Horse pistol — pay the fine or go to jail. A hair line 
finish. "Hold on, Copper." "Here's your thousand and here's 
your girl. Look happy and have your picture taken." A new 
son-in-law. "Bother Boarding Scliool." Tlie Deacon smiles. 

A Trial of Hearts 

By LINDSEY BARBEE. 

Price, 25 Cents 

College comedy in 4 acts; 6 males, 18 females. Time, 2i/4 hours. 
Scenes: 3 interiors, 1 e.xterior. Characters: Dudley Van Antwerp, 
a wealthy college inan. Philip, his best friend. Roger, Teddy, 
Jack and Jerry, fraternity men. Mrs. Van Antwerp, of great im- 
portance. Honor, Dudley's wife. Fourteen lively sorority girls. A 
chaperone and a maid. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Gretchen and Jerry play Romeo and Juliet. Ted pleads 
the cause of Kappa Psi. Jack argues for Delta Chi. Dudley intro- 
duces Honor to liis mother. Virginia learns of Dudley's marriage. 
"I want to go home — oh, I want to go home!" 

Act II. — The football enthusiasts bring news of Barbara. 
Gretchen and Jerry study Latin and argue fraternity. Honor finds 
it all a little strange. Dudley tells Virginia his love story. "Oh, 
Dudley, you hurt me!" "There's nothing left for me but to go away!" 

Act III. — "I wonder if people ever get too busy to care!" 
Mrs. Van Antwerp opens fire and Honor stands her ground. "I 
mean to stay!" "I wish I had no heart — it aches so!" "Dear 
little girl, it is good-bye." Honor hears Dudley declare his love 
for Virginia. "Oh, Dad-Dad — your little girl is coming home!" 

Act IV. — Gretchen and Jerry "grow up." The Seniors toast 
the past, the present and the future. Mrs. Van Antwerp reproaches 
herself. "Here comes the bride." The Kappa Psis and the Delta 
Chi holds reunions. "Honor, is it really you?" "If you want me, 
I am here." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



The Thread of Destiny 

By LINDSEY BARBEE. 
Price, 25 Cents 

Comedy-drama of the Civil War in 3 acts; 9 males, 16 females. 
Time, 214 hours. Scenes: 1 interioi-, 2 exteriors. Characters: 
Peyton Bailey, of the U. S. army. Beverly Montgomery, a con- 
federate scout. Colonel Montgomery, a gentleman of the old school. 
Tom Randolph, a Southern gallant. John Morton, of the North. 
Ralph, who did not go to war. George and Uncle Billy, slaves. 
A Union Scout. Virginia, the toast of the country. Betty, the 
"Little Colonel." Edith, a northern cousin. Louise, a spy. Eight 
charming southern girls. Mrs. Montgomery. Miss Melissy, of in- 
quisitive nature. Fanny and Mammy, slaves. 
SYNOPSIS. 

Act L — Betty breaks a looking glass. Edith calms her fears 
and tells her "the signs of tlie times." "Virginia has seceded." 
Beverly enlists. "A Virginia woman does not even recognize an 
acquaintance among the enemies of Virginia." 

Act II. — "I don' wan' no tarnished silber linin' to my cloud." 
"Tliere are some things more precious than money, than jewels." 
"Death cannot conquer love — nor eternity." "Some day there will 
be no North, no South, but the Union." The Union scout falls a 
prey to Edith's fascinations and her cleverness wins the coveted 
dispatch. Virginia opens tlie door — to Peyton. Beverly is dis- 
covered. Friendsliip proves stronger tlian duty. 

Act III. — Three years work a great change. Peyton pleads in 
vain. George and Fanny "take de road to de Ian' of happiness." 
"In our little circle the stars and bars are floating liigli." Virginia 
gives Peyton anotlier rose and together they trace against the 
background of blue and gray "tlie golden tliread of destiny." 



Shadows 



By MARY MONCURE PARKER. 
Price, 15 Cents 

Play of the Soutli today and a dream of the past in 1 act; 
an interior scene; 3 males, 4 females. Time, 35 minutes. Charac- 
ters: Prologue and the Awakening: Robert Ashton, Virginia's 
sweetlieart. Aunt Geranium, an old colored mammy. Virginia Lee, 
a southern maid. The Dream: Gordon Sanford, a soldier in love 
witli Alice. Harold Hale, the successful rival. Mrs. Horace 
Fairfax, a stern mother of long ago. Alice Fairfax, her dutiful 
daughter. STORY OF THE PLAY. 

Virginia Lee's mother insists upon her marriage with a rich 
suitor, who has agreed to restore their impoverislied estate. Vir- 
ginia has a sweetheart of her childhood days and hesitates in 
making a choice, but finally decides upon wealth instead of love. 
An old colored mammy, who has spent her life in tlie Lee house- 
hold, understands the situation and tells Virginia of a similar 
episode in the life of Virginia's grandmother. Virginia in ponder- 
ing over the incident and grieving over her own troubles, falls 
asleep. She dreams of the story just told and the dream folks 
appear and play their parts. Virginia awakens, tlie shadows flee 
and she comes to her senses and her lover. j 

The old colored mammy says: "Dis heah ole worl's jes' full 
of shadders. Fokes comes an' dey goes, ripens and drops like the 
fruit on de tree. Ole Mars is gone, old Mistis gone. De substance 
melts and fades away. Ain't nothing left but shadders." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



Mrs. Tubbs of Shantytown 

By WALTER BEN HARE. 

Price, 25 Cents 

Comedy-drama in 3 acts; 4 males, 7 females (5 are children). 
Time, 2i/i hours. Scene: 1 interior. Characters: Mrs. Tubbs, 
the sunshine of Shantytown. Miss Clingie Vine, her lady boarder, 
real genteel. Mrs. Hickey, a neighbor who hates gossip. Maydelle 
Campbell, the young scliool teacher. Simon Rubbels, the corner 
grocery man. Tom Riordan, the census taker. Queenie, aged 
twelve. Methusalem, aged eleven. Billy, aged seven. Victoria, 
aged three. Elmira, aged ten. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Mrs. Mollie Tubbs and her happy little family in 
Shantytown. The pretty, young school teaclier and tlie Census 
Taker have a disagreement. Mrs. Tubbs as first aid to Cupid." 
Mrs. Hickey expresses her opinion of Simon Rubbels. Miss Clingie 
Vine has her census taken. "My maw was a Virginia Hamm, and 
whenever we had company, papaw always wore full evening 
garbage." Bad news from Kansas. "There ain't no way too far 
for a mother's love. I'm going to my boy." 

Act II. — A month later. Mrs. Tubbs returns. Simon Rubbels 
decides to find a wife. "If he ain't a red-lieaded hippopotamus, 
there never was one on this green earth." A Shantytown high 
jinks with song and menagerie. Clingie Vine decides to be a siren. 
The light in the window for Jimmie. "I've got my babies, and 
I've got their love, and all the money in tlie world can't tal\e that 
from me, so Mr. Simon Rubbles, the honorable Mrs. Tubbs re- 
.spectfully declines your offer of matrimony." 

Act III. — A Shantytown Thanksgiving. Mrs. Hickey brings the 
news and Miss Vine inherits a fortune. Mr. Rubbels worries Mrs. 
Tubbs again. "You kin turn me out in tlie streets tomorrow, but 
tonight this house belongs to me. Now there's the door and 
there's your hat. I won't detain you no longer." Miss Vine and 
the good looking grocery boy. "Jimmie, my boy, my boy!" Tlie 
return, of the Prodigal Son. "I reckon I'm the liappiest woman ir 
the United States of America. My cup runneth over, my cur 
runneth over!" ^Rg tUBBS SAYS: 

"Clingie's certainly a long time makin' up her mind, but Avhen 
she's sot a steam sliovel himself couldn't unset her." 

"I hope and I trust, and wlien a person hopes and trusts fer 
a thing they ginerally git it. Everything is bound to come out 
right some time." 

"I ain't goin' to worry. There ain't no use in h'istin' your 
umbrella until it begins to rain." 

"I jest do what I have to do and make the best of it. Mr. 
Tubbs used to say that my voice would scare anything, so I jest 
try to make it scare the blues." 

"Bibulous? Bibulous, Theodore Tubbs, bibulous? "Why, mister, 
that man didn't know no more about the Bible than my sister's 
cat's tail. And what's more, I ain't got no sister. 

"Men is men the liull world over, and it seems jest like it's 
a man's nature to do that which tliey oughtn't to do, and to leave 
undone them tilings they ought to have did. That's Scripture." 

'"What difference does money make? If you've got your youth 
ancl your strength and your love, that's worth all the money that 
was ever made in this whole world." 

"Love your country and stand up fer it to the last ditch. Poor 
folks can love their country jest the same as rich ones. And better." 

"Keep smiling." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



Sava^eland 

By WALTER BEN HARE. 

Price, 50 Cents 

Musical comedy In 2 acts; 5 males, 5 females and chorus. 
Time, 2V^ hours. Scenes: 2 exteriors. Characters: Jake Heinz, 
the fifty-ninth variety. Sherlociio Combs, a defective detective. 
Buclislvin Buddy, from Savageland. Gilroy Clay, in love. Big Cliief 
Heap Much Scalpem. Marigold Lee, tlie Quaker maid. Daffodil 
Dotty, poetess of passion. Birdie Magoogin, the Irisli Cinderella. 
Ysobel, in vaudeville. Wee-nah, the marble lady. Contains nine 
catchy songs: "Summer Girlies," "Fair Quaker Maid," "The Mod- 
est Blossom," "Letter Song," "Ho, for tlie West," "He Never Came 
Back Again," "The Little Birch Canoe," "The Message of the Red, 
Red Rose" and "Twinkle Doodle Dum." Five of the songs are set 
to original music by Henry Bethuel Vincent. The remainder are 
sung to familiar college airs. Tlie foundation of the plot is laughter, 
carefree, a bit of satire, a toucli of sentiment, which combined, 
will make you understand that life's a merry jest in Savageland. 
Detailed directions given witli each musical number for the ar- 
rangement of the chorus, marching, stage pictures, etc. 

First produced by The Savage Club at Cornell University. Suit- 
able for any occasion and especially recommended for college and 
high school productions. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act L — The Summer Girls and the Little Quaker Maid. Sher- 
locko Combs, the wonderful detective, searching for a missing 
heiress. "Slie's worth a million, has a green shamrock tatooed 
on her right wrist and wears a No. 10 shoe." Buckskin Buddy 
from Savageland looks for the detective. A missing pitcher of 
pearls. Sherlocko on the trail. Jake Heinz, the fifty-ninth variety, 
becomes a Doctor Watson. Clay finds that the course of triie 
love never did run smoothly. Miss Daffodil Dotty, the poetess 
of passion, has an inspiration. The Cowboy and the Lady. "Ho, 
for the West!" A living statue. Birdie Magoogin's story. The 
new cook shows her temper. Jake Heinz, on the trail, proves 
liimself a hero. Jake finds the missing heiress and wins her for 
his bride. "Then hit the trail for Savageland, three thousand 
miles away!" 

Act II. — In the Savage Mountains. Jake and Birdie on their 
honeymoon. The automatic carbuncle of the automobile explodes. 
"Ye should have used soothing syrup instead of gasoline." The 
Duchess Heinz entertains with a green tea. The Scotch Laird of 
Kilkuse. "Hoot, mon, hoot!" "He talks like an owl — because he's 
from the owld country." Music lessons in Savageland. "He has 
a cadenza like a flamingo and warbles like an aurora borealis!" 
Marigold realizes that the old love is the best love. The Yak! 
Indians and tlieir Chief, Heap Much Scalpem. A pipe of peace. 
The Chief tlirows dust and declares war. The missing Goddess of 
Love. Sherlocko exposed. The storm in the mountains. Lightning 
strikes an old tree, it falls apart and discloses the goddess, 
Wee-nah. "The wonderful Sherlocko never fails." 

"A capacity audience at the Lyceum Theater last night was 
given two hours of unalloyed fun with the Savages in '.Savageland' 
and many were the regrets when Wee-nah was discovered and 
there was nothing left to do but to return to Ithaca and the worli- 
aday world." — Ithaca Evening News. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



Parlor Matches 

By WALTER BEN HARE. 

Price, 25 Cents 

An engaging comedy of society, 2 acts: 4 males, 5 females. , 
Time, l*/^ liours. Scene: 1 simple interior. Characters: Vance 
Trelford, a professional hero, who doesn't want to be engaged. 
Don Radey, his cousin, a serious young man, engaged, thank you. 
t'erdinand Poppleton, a frivolous young man, likewise engaged. 
Jorl^es, the butler, who may or may not be engaged. Mrs. Seltoon, 
who believes in engagements. Margaret Seltoon, her elder daugh- 
ter, engaged to Mr. Radey. Suzanne Seltoon, her younger daughter, 
engaged to Mr. Poppleton. Gail Lawrence, her ward, engaging 
and eventually engaged. Abigail Mullen, A. B., her maid, tem- 
porarily engaged, as it were. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — A morning in June at Solitaire Villa, Dovecote. Mrs. 
Seltoon smooths out the course of true love. "Whoever heard 
of a grass widov.' playing a heroine in a love scene?" "Oh, it's 
one of the best things they do." Mrs. Seltoon seeking a man for 
her niece. VWhat is his yearly income?" The butler's opinion 
of a woman A. B. "Near-sighted, men's shoes, short bedrabbled 
skirts, last year's hat and a banner saying Votes for Women!" 
The new maid who is a graduate from the Splinterville Normal. 
The moving picture hero. "Women make me nervous. I always 
keep out of their way." Symptoms of hydrophobia. "I bark, bow- 
wow-wow!" "His father is in oil and vinegar." "Is it a new kind 
of a bath?" Gail announces her engagement to the moving pic- 
ture hero. "He's here in town!" "Fall, O walls, and ci-ush me!" 

Act II. — A dinner party. Ferdy decides to enlist in the army. 
A reconciliation. Abigail and Adrian Lee of the movies. "Those 
eyes, that nose, it's him?" "I've seen you propose in white 
flannels, in feathers, in full evening clothes, in a sailor suit, 
and in the garbage of a monk, and every time you've won her in 
the end." Gail and her fiancee. That odious Mr. Trelford. Din- 
ner is served. Vance Trelford learns that he is engaged. "I ex- 
pected it all along." "Yes, I begin to think that I did it myself." 

Sewing for the Heathen 

By WALTER BEN HARE. 

Price, 15 Cents 

Entertainment for 9 ladies, either young or middle-aged. Time, 
40 minutes. Can be played on any stage or platform, or even in 
any room. Very refined. Suitable for church or any society. Char- 
acters: Mrs. Judd, the hostess. Mrs. Chester, the president. Mrs. 
R. B. Powers, the stranger. Grandma Gibbs, deaf but persistent. 
Miss Luella Huggins, so sentimental. Mrs. Strong, a suffragist. 
Mrs. Meeker, gentle and good. Mrs. Day, a bride. Meely, the 
hired girl. SYNOPSIS. 

An anxious hostess. Meely wants to serve winny-wurst sand- 
wiches and noodle soup. The mystery of the jardeniere. The 
President arrives before she is expected. "It was her hair; she 
hadn't got it all on yet." Red flannels for the Hottentots in the 
middle of Africa. A stranger in town, the rich Mrs. Powers. A 
trip down town. Grandma Gibbs and her ear-trumpet. The rich 
Mrs. Powers is mistaken for the dressmaker. The meeting of the 
society. A little tiff. The giddy Miss Huggins is late as usual. 
A present from the men. ".Sewing for the Heathen." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street. CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given 



Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First -Class Hotel, 20 min.... 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, IS min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min.. 12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min.... 4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 

Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min... 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Carver's Fancy Call, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 

min , . 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr.... 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min.. 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 3 

My Wife's Relations, "1 hr. ... 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Family, 40 min..... 3 3 

Only Cold Tea, 20 min 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.». 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Second Childhood, 15 min.... 2 2 

Smith, the Aviator, 40 min... 2 3 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. 4 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min.... 3 3 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.. 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 

Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Which Will He Marry? 20 min. 2 8 

Who Is Who? 40 min . . 3 2 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, MON- 
OLOGUES, ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 



Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min.... 2 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 ni. 10 

Breakfast Food for Two, _0 ni. 1 

Cold Finish, IS min 2 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min. 1 

Coming Champion, 20 min.... 2 

Coontovvn Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min.... 2 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell Col- 
lege, 15 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min.. 2 

Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. 1 

Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 

Hot Air, 25 min 2 

Jumbo Jiim, 30 min 4 

Little Red School House, 20 ni. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 

Marriage and .\fter, 10 min.. 1 

Mischievous Nigger, 25 min.. 4 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min.... 1 

Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min. 4 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 

Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min . . 4 

Oyster Slew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 

min 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 

Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 min 2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 

Si and I, IS min 

Special Sale, IS min .. 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min.. 2 

Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min.. 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 

Tramp and the .■\ctress, 20 min. 1 

Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 

Troubles of Rozinski, IS min.. 1 

Two Jay Detectives, 15 min.. 3 

Umbrella Mender, 15 min.... 2 
Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville, 

15 min 1 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 

Who Gits de Reward? 30 min. 5 



A Kreat number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed In 

Denison's CataloKue 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers,154 W. Randolph St. , Chicago 



LS?^"^ Of" CONGRESS . 



POPULAR ENTER1 

Price, Illustrated Papei 




IN this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 



DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comtc Dialogues. 

\'ery clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Dialogues for District Schools. 

For country schools. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

Over 50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Humorous Homespun Dialogues. 

For older ones. 
Little People's Plays. 

From 7 to 13 years of age. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
Merry Little Dialogues. 

Thirty-eight original selections. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awatce Dialogues. 

Brand new, original, successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 
The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues, dialogues. 
Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 
The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 
The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pupils of all ages. 
Humorous Monologues. 

Particularly for ladies. 
Monologues for Young Folks. 

Clever, humorous, original. 
Monologues Grave and Gay. 

Dramatic and humorous. 
The Patriotic Speaker. 

Master thoughts of master minds. 




016 103 588 9 V 

Pomes ov tne r-cc|jv... 

Wit, humor, satire, funny poems. 
Scrap- Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, 
poetry. 14 Nos., per No. 25c. 

DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Invitations, decorations, games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
Good Things for Thanksgiving. 

A gem of a book. 
Good Things for Washington 

and Lincoln Birthdays. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for alt ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Sway- 
ing Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches, etc. 
LaughlandfVia the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 

LarKe Illustrated Cataiogrue Free 



T.S.DENISON&COMPANY,Publishers.154W. Randolph St.. Chicago 



